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Dear Valentine,
Look, I appreciate the sentiment and all, but chocolate tastes better when it's bought half price the day after. Roses are pretty until they wilt and the petals shrivel up and the stem bows like a magician taking his last bow of the night. Am I being too cynical? Sorry, but you know I'm right. Where's your sense of romance the rest of the year? It doesn't mean anything today. It's an artificial construct designed to boost sales during a slow time of the year and how is that romantic exactly?
Let's be honest, you're just hoping you'll get some later tonight, right? Because you killed a few flowers. It's kind of insulting that you think I'll fall all over you for a sappy greeting card and a plastic rose with a pretty ribbon. Put the thong away please – wedgies are in no way sexy. You want to know Victoria's secret? She's laughing at you. And in her defense, it is funny to watch guys looking uncomfortable in the store. Really who pays $30 for about six inches of coverage? I can buy an entire outfit for that a few stores down.
Stop being obtuse. Scattering rose petals on the bed just means you have to pick them up later.
If you think a single day is all the maintenance a relationship needs, you're not my type anyway. Call me a practical romantic – sentimental lends itself well to stupid and then nine months later you're got a baby.
Here's what love is: it's sniping Nazis together at 3 o'clock in the morning. It's returning calls as soon as you can. It's swiping a book without asking because you know they don't care and returning it when you're finished reading. It's telling them , you look fat in that dress, get another one. It's kicking them in the face when they're being stupid and setting them straight.
I can buy my own chocolates thanks. Without coconut.
Sincerely,
A Practical Romantic
Look, I appreciate the sentiment and all, but chocolate tastes better when it's bought half price the day after. Roses are pretty until they wilt and the petals shrivel up and the stem bows like a magician taking his last bow of the night. Am I being too cynical? Sorry, but you know I'm right. Where's your sense of romance the rest of the year? It doesn't mean anything today. It's an artificial construct designed to boost sales during a slow time of the year and how is that romantic exactly?
Let's be honest, you're just hoping you'll get some later tonight, right? Because you killed a few flowers. It's kind of insulting that you think I'll fall all over you for a sappy greeting card and a plastic rose with a pretty ribbon. Put the thong away please – wedgies are in no way sexy. You want to know Victoria's secret? She's laughing at you. And in her defense, it is funny to watch guys looking uncomfortable in the store. Really who pays $30 for about six inches of coverage? I can buy an entire outfit for that a few stores down.
Stop being obtuse. Scattering rose petals on the bed just means you have to pick them up later.
If you think a single day is all the maintenance a relationship needs, you're not my type anyway. Call me a practical romantic – sentimental lends itself well to stupid and then nine months later you're got a baby.
Here's what love is: it's sniping Nazis together at 3 o'clock in the morning. It's returning calls as soon as you can. It's swiping a book without asking because you know they don't care and returning it when you're finished reading. It's telling them , you look fat in that dress, get another one. It's kicking them in the face when they're being stupid and setting them straight.
I can buy my own chocolates thanks. Without coconut.
Sincerely,
A Practical Romantic
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Two contests at once! One for 
's contest over here: [link]
and for
's contest over here: [link]
I don't particularly care one way or the other about Valentine's Day myself, but I appreciate all the on sale candy the day after.
For those of you interested:
"Valentine's Day is a day for lovers, a day for couples, a day of industry for companies to make money off candy sales, flowers, jewelry, and all that jazz. An anti-Valentine's celebration instead could be for single people, gal pals, . . . . and doesn't buy into that corporate greed nonsense. An Anti-Valentine's day party is a fun way to "spit in the face" of . . . . the idea that we need to be in a relationship to be happy. It is about having fun being independant, confident and single."
Quote edited for length.
's contest over here: [link]and for
's contest over here: [link]I don't particularly care one way or the other about Valentine's Day myself, but I appreciate all the on sale candy the day after.
For those of you interested:
"Valentine's Day is a day for lovers, a day for couples, a day of industry for companies to make money off candy sales, flowers, jewelry, and all that jazz. An anti-Valentine's celebration instead could be for single people, gal pals, . . . . and doesn't buy into that corporate greed nonsense. An Anti-Valentine's day party is a fun way to "spit in the face" of . . . . the idea that we need to be in a relationship to be happy. It is about having fun being independant, confident and single."
Quote edited for length.
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I feel the same way about valentines day, beautifully written too