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Literature Text
i.
The missles fall
like rain in a water-starved world
quenching thirst with blood
that runs wasted in the gutters.
ii.
The rounds fire in 3/4 time
while civilians waltz delicately in circles,
brushing steps with Death and his dance partner
Life.
iii.
The grenades flash like the snap of a camera.
With the click of a pin
Time freezes -
caught between two futures.
In one I die;
in the other
I wish I had.
The missles fall
like rain in a water-starved world
quenching thirst with blood
that runs wasted in the gutters.
ii.
The rounds fire in 3/4 time
while civilians waltz delicately in circles,
brushing steps with Death and his dance partner
Life.
iii.
The grenades flash like the snap of a camera.
With the click of a pin
Time freezes -
caught between two futures.
In one I die;
in the other
I wish I had.
Suggested Collections
An update of an extremely old piece. I'd always liked the original, but didn't have the skills then to write proper poetry 
This is much better, though not perfect (not by a longshot).
TWR Critique: [link]
Questions: Numbers - good or bad?
Should I keep expanding this? There's a potential for more imagery, but I kinda like where it is /torn.
This is much better, though not perfect (not by a longshot).TWR Critique: [link]
Questions: Numbers - good or bad?
Should I keep expanding this? There's a potential for more imagery, but I kinda like where it is /torn.
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Comments34
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The missles fall
like rain in a water-starved world
quenching thirst with blood
that runs wasted in the gutters.
There's just one small error that I can read with that: rain in a water-starved world, should be "Rain on a water-starved world", otherwise the brain will make sense of it, but feel somewhat tricked because 'in' denotes something within. It doesn't rain within the earth's crust or mantel...I think.
I'd also remove the 'The' from the very start, as 'The' tends to be less impacting on a reader, stealing the strength of what comes next.
like rain in a water-starved world
quenching thirst with blood
that runs wasted in the gutters.
There's just one small error that I can read with that: rain in a water-starved world, should be "Rain on a water-starved world", otherwise the brain will make sense of it, but feel somewhat tricked because 'in' denotes something within. It doesn't rain within the earth's crust or mantel...I think.
I'd also remove the 'The' from the very start, as 'The' tends to be less impacting on a reader, stealing the strength of what comes next.