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Sudden ImpactGod gets a pain in Hisfunnybone, but He doesn't thinkit's funny at all. He bumped His elbowon a continent once and accidentallykilled all the dinosaurs. He liked those.
CheatingHe wanted to be a football player forthe rush of steroids coursing throughhis system. But they call that cheating,so he became an artist because it’ssocially acceptable for them to drop drugs.
Organic Produce OnlyGod planted a garden because Hestill likes those, and havingfresh tomatoes for spaghetti.
God is a hipster.God went to Starbucksbecause the Wi-Fi signal inheaven is crap. He pullsan HP out of the laptop bag androlls His eyes at the kid luggingin a typewriter. He clicks on Wordbecause He never really stoppedcreating – He has more furniturethan He knows what to do withand no wall space left for His canvases.He likes Word – His Word – becauseit reminds Him of another beginning,before time, before space, before everything.
TithingGod went on tourvisiting the different denominations.They didn’t know He was on tour,except maybe the one ortwo parishioners that looked at Him funnywhen He emptied His entirewallet into the collection plate.
ApplicationI have good reading comprehension skills, am a fasttypist, can do the entire project in ten minutes underthe right pressure (that is, the last eleven minutes).Familiar with Microsoft Word, PowerPoint, and thebasics of CSS code. Adaptable and quick to learn.I’m good at editing fiction, critically but kindly(thorns are dulled among good company).I can blow up a balloon, but can’t tie it off.I have a hat for every occasion, and a fewjust for smiles. I can make forty-eightcookies from a bag of mix meant to make onlytwenty-four (math was never my best subject).Your tea will be too sweet, but never too strong.I will be too sweet, but never too strong.I fold into a suitcase for easy storage amongguests, packed neatly away into a little cornerof your choosing. I’m a poor conversationalist,but a good listener; you can outsource all yourworries to me, along with the bad days, terriblemeetings, mediocre superiors, and empty coffeepots(I’ll never trivial