Shop More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconsilverinkblot: More from SilverInkblot


Featured in Collections

Literature by DNA-The-Authoress

Writing by TwilightPoetess


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
April 11, 2012
File Size
565 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
441
Favourites
22 (who?)
Comments
26
×
Tyrian purple
lips match the blue
fingerprint bruises wrapped around
her throat like the latest fashion.
A thump
and a gulp of air
rushes into the silent stage
of a delectable crime scene.
They prod her body like sushi with chopsticks;
the air tastes stale, unused.
One uniform brushes fingertips
across her velvet skin while
another admires the glossy black hair
missing a single lock.
~Phaldus requested Tyrian purple, or Royal purple. I don't think this is what he was expecting :XD:

More color poems.

I find as I do more of these, I stretch the limits of the form more - once I was pretty literal about it. Now I try to work in at least one word associated with the sense the line is referring to, like with the "delectable" line.

For anyone else who wants to have a go, the form is as follows:

Line 1 - Your color
Lines 2, 3, 4 - things your color looks like
Lines 5, 6, 7 - things your color sounds like
Lines 8, 9, 10 - things your color tastes like
Lines 11, 12, 13 - things your color feels like
Line 14 - sum it all up.

TWR: [link]

Questions:

1. Is the form too constricting, or does it work within the confines set?

2. Can you spot each use of the senses as the form requires, or are some of them too obscure?

3. Does it feel complete?
Add a Comment:
 

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconwishingunderthatstar:
WishingUnderThatStar Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your wonderful work has been chosen to be featured in Friday Feature Volume I
Reply
:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconwishingunderthatstar:
WishingUnderThatStar Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. :love:
Reply
:iconozzla:
ozzla Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2012   Writer
1. Reading about the format you used in your comment really surprised me, because this structure is not obvious at all because you weave it so well together.

2. Now that I'm aware of your structure, I can see where each comes in - it's not obvious in the way of a form where it's parts do not mesh together, and it's not obscure in that I'm not sitting here wondering how each line links to each sense.

3. Very complete. Although short it packs in a story that is saddening but in a way, artful. It's an odd feeling, but because of the way you've weaved the different imagery together (ie They prod her body like sushi with chopsticks and fingerprint bruises wrapped around / her throat like the latest fashion. ) I get that.

Well done fellow Lauren for creating such a brilliant piece :heart:
Reply
:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, it's not an especially rigid form which is probably why I like it so much :D There's just enough to give structure, but not enough to be restrictive.

Thank you, fellow Lauren :)
Reply
:iconozzla:
ozzla Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2012   Writer
haha, that is so our nicknames for each other :D
Reply
:iconhumbug-liqourish:
Humbug-liqourish Featured By Owner May 30, 2012  Student Writer
Those first four lines just hooked me in and didn't let go, beautiful
Reply
:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner May 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :) The first image was easily my favorite :D
Reply
:iconhannamae7:
Hannamae7 Featured By Owner May 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful!
Reply
:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner May 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :)
Reply
Add a Comment: