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Tyrian purple
lips match the blue
fingerprint bruises wrapped around
her throat like the latest fashion.
A thump
and a gulp of air
rushes into the silent stage
of a delectable crime scene.
They prod her body like sushi with chopsticks;
the air tastes stale, unused.
One uniform brushes fingertips
across her velvet skin while
another admires the glossy black hair
missing a single lock.
~Phaldus requested Tyrian purple, or Royal purple. I don't think this is what he was expecting :XD:

More color poems.

I find as I do more of these, I stretch the limits of the form more - once I was pretty literal about it. Now I try to work in at least one word associated with the sense the line is referring to, like with the "delectable" line.

For anyone else who wants to have a go, the form is as follows:

Line 1 - Your color
Lines 2, 3, 4 - things your color looks like
Lines 5, 6, 7 - things your color sounds like
Lines 8, 9, 10 - things your color tastes like
Lines 11, 12, 13 - things your color feels like
Line 14 - sum it all up.

TWR: [link]

Questions:

1. Is the form too constricting, or does it work within the confines set?

2. Can you spot each use of the senses as the form requires, or are some of them too obscure?

3. Does it feel complete?
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:iconwishingunderthatstar:
WishingUnderThatStar Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your wonderful work has been chosen to be featured in Friday Feature Volume I
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconwishingunderthatstar:
WishingUnderThatStar Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. :love:
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:iconozzla:
ozzla Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2012   Writer
1. Reading about the format you used in your comment really surprised me, because this structure is not obvious at all because you weave it so well together.

2. Now that I'm aware of your structure, I can see where each comes in - it's not obvious in the way of a form where it's parts do not mesh together, and it's not obscure in that I'm not sitting here wondering how each line links to each sense.

3. Very complete. Although short it packs in a story that is saddening but in a way, artful. It's an odd feeling, but because of the way you've weaved the different imagery together (ie They prod her body like sushi with chopsticks and fingerprint bruises wrapped around / her throat like the latest fashion. ) I get that.

Well done fellow Lauren for creating such a brilliant piece :heart:
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, it's not an especially rigid form which is probably why I like it so much :D There's just enough to give structure, but not enough to be restrictive.

Thank you, fellow Lauren :)
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:iconozzla:
ozzla Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2012   Writer
haha, that is so our nicknames for each other :D
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:iconhumbug-liqourish:
Humbug-liqourish Featured By Owner May 30, 2012  Student Writer
Those first four lines just hooked me in and didn't let go, beautiful
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner May 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :) The first image was easily my favorite :D
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:iconhannamae7:
Hannamae7 Featured By Owner May 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful!
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner May 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :)
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:iconsunflowerb:
sunflowerb Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Student General Artist
This is my favorite. I felt the royal purple all over, and the story behind it as well. And there's something about the rhythm of "match the blue fingerprint bruises" that makes me love that phrase.

And I wonder what it is that makes me feel like this would be taking place at night in the rain?

I feel a bit useless when it comes to feedback about poetry, because it feels like a foreign language to me. Hopefully you can find something helpful amidst my rambling comments? OTL
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner May 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Of course it was raining outside under the glow of neon street lights. This scene has film noir written all over it. Very Black Dahlia stuff~

All comments are useful :heart:
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:iconjuliusscipio:
JuliusScipio Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012  Student Writer
Oh that's wonderful... I love the strange, unsettling effect of the last few lines. :D
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D
Reply
:icontransfusionheart:
TransfusionHeart Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Kind of shocking, which makes me like it.
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :D
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012   Writer
Creepy. I like it. :heart:
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :D
Reply
:icondna-the-authoress:
DNA-The-Authoress Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012
I love this. I watch too much Sherlock. XD
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Probably :XD:
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:icondna-the-authoress:
DNA-The-Authoress Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012
Oh well. XD
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:iconjadesfires:
jadesfires Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012   Writer
Slightly disturbing...that this would come to mind while writing a color poem...but well done nonetheless. ;)
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The first thing I thought of for purple was bruises - it practically wrote itself after that image. Kinda neat to have a darker one for the collection :D
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:iconjadesfires:
jadesfires Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012   Writer
I like the darker ones personally...the color I chose to write about first was obsidian, after all. :laughing:
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:iconphaldus:
Phaldus Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012
Technically I didn't so much request it as you said "Give me a color" and it sprang to mind.
Reply
:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You know what I mean ;P The point is, it was written with you in mind. Take that as you will with this one.
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