I like the idea a lot, and the power of the central character is one I've never seen before. I could easily see this plot playing out on a Saturday morning cartoon superhero show, not least because that's kinda how I imagined it in my head.
So I don't really have issue with the concept at all, but the dialogue was rather cardboard much of the time; which is probably why I imagined it as a cartoon show. Their conversations with each other just feel very stilted, especially in the action sequence. I just couldn't get very invested in it - everyone sounded rather bored with the whole affair. The thief was especially notable - his line about the virus soon to be in the hands of COMPA was painfully cliched evil.
Kinda curious about the relationship between Reach and Peer. It seems like you were hinting at something more than friends there, but the story didn't last long enough for any development to take place.
Sta.sh
I like the idea a lot, and the power of the central character is one I've never seen before. I could easily see this plot playing out on a Saturday morning cartoon superhero show, not least because that's kinda how I imagined it in my head.
So I don't really have issue with the concept at all, but the dialogue was rather cardboard much of the time; which is probably why I imagined it as a cartoon show. Their conversations with each other just feel very stilted, especially in the action sequence. I just couldn't get very invested in it - everyone sounded rather bored with the whole affair. The thief was especially notable - his line about the virus soon to be in the hands of COMPA was painfully cliched evil.
Kinda curious about the relationship between Reach and Peer. It seems like you were hinting at something more than friends there, but the story didn't last long enough for any development to take place.
Hope this was helpful!