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Literature Text
Dear Rosie,
I have your baby doll. Give back my racecar or she gets it.
- Tommy
Dear Tommy,
Don't you dare hurt my dolly. Racecars are stupid anyway.
- Rosie
Dear Rosie,
Baby dolls are stupider. So I threw her off a bridge.
- Tommy
Dear Tommy,
Mommy got me a new baby doll because she loves me more than you. So there.
- Rosie
Dear Rosie,
I don't care. Daddy took me out for ice cream and then we went to the park to play catch.
- Tommy
Dear Tommy,
I don't like ice cream anyway. Mommy takes me shopping for pretty clothes and to get my hair done all the time.
- Rosie
Dear Rosie,
Daddy calls Mommy bad names. I don''t want to live with her anyway.
- Tommy
Dear Tommy,
You're a BAD name.
- Rosie
Dear Rosie,
You're just mean.
- Tommy
Dear Richard,
If you would kindly teach Thomas a few manners and educate him in the ways of being a gentleman, it would be greatly appreciated. But I suppose you're the wrong teacher for that.
Sincerely,
Jacqueline
Dear Jacqueline,
Perhaps a more effective strategy would be to send young Rosalyn to a boarding school where real ladies can teach her their ways. It's clear she isn't learning them from you.
Yours,
Richard
I have your baby doll. Give back my racecar or she gets it.
- Tommy
Dear Tommy,
Don't you dare hurt my dolly. Racecars are stupid anyway.
- Rosie
Dear Rosie,
Baby dolls are stupider. So I threw her off a bridge.
- Tommy
Dear Tommy,
Mommy got me a new baby doll because she loves me more than you. So there.
- Rosie
Dear Rosie,
I don't care. Daddy took me out for ice cream and then we went to the park to play catch.
- Tommy
Dear Tommy,
I don't like ice cream anyway. Mommy takes me shopping for pretty clothes and to get my hair done all the time.
- Rosie
Dear Rosie,
Daddy calls Mommy bad names. I don''t want to live with her anyway.
- Tommy
Dear Tommy,
You're a BAD name.
- Rosie
Dear Rosie,
You're just mean.
- Tommy
Dear Richard,
If you would kindly teach Thomas a few manners and educate him in the ways of being a gentleman, it would be greatly appreciated. But I suppose you're the wrong teacher for that.
Sincerely,
Jacqueline
Dear Jacqueline,
Perhaps a more effective strategy would be to send young Rosalyn to a boarding school where real ladies can teach her their ways. It's clear she isn't learning them from you.
Yours,
Richard
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I really love the idea of this one, but think the execution could be better. The initial section before the parental issues begin creeping in needs more build up I think.
There's an alternative option swirling round my head to stretch out the letters over a period of years, going from happy, playful days to the brutal realities of divorce. But I've no idea how I would make the idea go that far. Any suggestions would be welcome
TWR Critique: [link]
There's an alternative option swirling round my head to stretch out the letters over a period of years, going from happy, playful days to the brutal realities of divorce. But I've no idea how I would make the idea go that far. Any suggestions would be welcome
TWR Critique: [link]
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Comments36
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Overall
Vision Originality Technique ImpactThis is very unique and sad, and like you, I love the idea. Rosie and Tommy come across as real children caught in the middle of a predicament they can't understand - a predicament that will play a huge role in how they develop and who they become.
I was a bit surprised that Rosie and Tommy both knew how to spell so well, and use proper punctuation. They sound so small. I think it may have been better if you had made grammatical mistakes (e.g., using "your" instead of "you're") on purpose for the sake of realism. Also, I was somewhat thrown off by the parents' letters to each other. They added to the overall impact of the piece, but they showed up rather abruptly. I think separating them from the childrens' letters, either by extra space, by lines (-), or by a row of asterisks (***), would have offered a nice transition.
However, this is a moving and delightfully different piece that shows an inside look at a broken family. I sincerely hope you continue to write. DA needs originality like this.